Follow one piece, start to finish.

The first draft with each change marked: removed words, then the words that replaced them.

It was the first week of spring. I was walking across the oval to the tuckshop. I had two dollars in my pocket for a sausage roll and I was thinking about it the whole way.

Then a magpie swoped at me. Removed: I was very scared. Added: I heard its wings snap behind my ear. I ran away.

I ran in a zigzag like Mum told me to but it just kept coming back. My hat flew off and I didn't even stop to get it. Some kids on the play equipment were laughing and Jayden yelled, “It's going to get you!” I was so embarased.

I made it to the tuckshop. Mrs Patel gave me my sausage roll and said, “It's the dads that swoop, love. They're protecting their babies.” After that I felt a bit sorry for him. He was only being a good dad.

When the bell went I had to walk back past the oval to get to class. Someone had hung my hat on the fence. I walked slowly and I didnt run this time. The magpie sat on the fence and looked at me.

It was the first week of spring. I was walking across the oval to the tuckshop. I had two dollars in my pocket for a sausage roll and I was thinking about it the whole way.

Then a magpie swoped at me. I was very scared. I ran away.

I ran in a zigzag like Mum told me to but it just kept coming back. My hat flew off and I didn't even stop to get it. Some kids on the play equipment were laughing and Jayden yelled, “It's going to get you!” I was so embarased.

I made it to the tuckshop. Mrs Patel gave me my sausage roll and said, “It's the dads that swoop, love. They're protecting their babies.” After that I felt a bit sorry for him. He was only being a good dad.

When the bell went I had to walk back past the oval to get to class. Someone had hung my hat on the fence. I walked slowly and I didnt run this time. The magpie sat on the fence and looked at me.

It was the first week of spring. I was walking across the oval to the tuckshop. I had two dollars in my pocket for a sausage roll and I was thinking about it the whole way.

Then a magpie swoped at me. I heard its wings snap behind my ear. I ran away.

I ran in a zigzag like Mum told me to but it just kept coming back. My hat flew off and I didn't even stop to get it. Some kids on the play equipment were laughing and Jayden yelled, “It's going to get you!” I was so embarased.

I made it to the tuckshop. Mrs Patel gave me my sausage roll and said, “It's the dads that swoop, love. They're protecting their babies.” After that I felt a bit sorry for him. He was only being a good dad.

When the bell went I had to walk back past the oval to get to class. Someone had hung my hat on the fence. I walked slowly and I didnt run this time. The magpie sat on the fence and looked at me.